Choir

So, Yea. I song with the choir in front of the church for the first time today. It was good. I kinda was expecting to be in front of the church in the choir, Sunday, I guess that was not the plan, let me say Gods plan.

I am going have so many eyes watching me. So, I guess I am living the slogan, just do it. If anyone wants to come to the church, hit me up.

The Twinkling Rebirth

The Twinkling Rebirth

I am trying to think of a great philosophy, an analogy but I most pause myself.
I have written many thoughts, that reveal deep emotions, sometimes buried feelings.
My life around me is evolving, what was, is the past. I must realize this.

It is different, I always felt femininity.

Femininity, an inner beauty I seen in a twinkling of an eye, the expressions I always admired.
The timeless reflections of empathy, joy, love, emotion, pain, struggle, sometimes limitless.
The signs of motherhood, intuition, creativity, life, and rebirth, the nurturing spirit.

My suffocating right is here, but it’s a rebirth, I lived one life and started another.
The very inner beauty I admired is now me, the essence, I am.

After reading this, there is no one true metaphor or thought.

For through this femininity, the very essence of my being, through many struggles. An inner beauty of joy, love, and emotion will live. For it is my rebirth, that will twinkle in my eyes.

Vivianne Summers
http://viviannesummers.blogspot.com
Http://youtube.com/averyny


PS. I went to a party last night, and admired one of the ladies there. Now reflecting upon it today,
I think I was admiring what I could be, what I must strive to achieve. Knowing, I have the same beauty.

people assuming things

This update is about nothing specific, I just felt like ranting. It’s somewhat, me rambling.

I’m tired of people assuming things about me. For example, the recent is that I am always out. This has been the case, since high school so, pretty much. It is rare for someone to ask if I want to go hang out, since the reality is I am usually home. Then the second assumption is I have a love life. I don’t even have a girlfriend and that’s been a while. It’s like I have a sticker on my forehead that says, not available.

I’m actually going stop at this note, it’s depressing and I do not want to be depressed.

Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny

A word can tell a million things

A word can tell a million things, I’ve asked myself why change.
People just going think of you one way, they will not change.
They won’t even realize; everything they experienced you haven’t.
That experience is required for the new flower, another disadvantage.
Someone might ask why there is now no closeness, maybe the flower needs some experience, some practice.
Maybe the person is asking the wrong question, how can I be a girl friend?

Vivianne Summers
http://youtube.com/averyny
http://viviannesummers.blogspot.com

parts of me have been disowned.

So, I’m listening to Brandy song Fall. I shouldn’t write right now but I well.

My sister called me it reminds me about something. It reminds me on how much I will not be accepted, I could be disowned and I know a lot of girls family do that to them. It’s sad. Some might say its great my family still talk to me, but realize they talk to who I was. They go by what they perceived of me.

The problem is, I’m not the same person. Physically, mentally, and emotionally it’s the same body and mind, but not the oldest boy in the family body and mind. That is what they are stuck on, I can’t show them otherwise. In a way, parts of me have been disowned.

The other thing that bugs me, I would like to get the rest of the electrolysis done. I have no clue how that’s going get done. That’s about one thousand bucks, great! That’s all I need, and don’t know how.

I might write later, so, I’ll add what I think as a comment.

Vivianne

Depending

Depending

Do I depend on anything or anyone? I haven’t in the past but need to now.
The question is how. Blinded by my past securities, now living to a world unknown smiling.

I did not go outside 1 o’clock to get fresh air; my body was emotionally breaking, tired wanting to breathe. Almost to the point, where my body, becomes sick for months; a battle that I fought so many times, last time a half of year. Considering all the changes, this is the last thing, I want.

A realization is happening, I’m not alone. If I’m quiet, I am not quiet for peace of mind, but quiet because I’m exhausting all my energy just to hang in there. It’s been my suffocating right.

From this suffocating right; the silence will become noise and the loneliness will become community. The heart will become stronger and my beauty will become brighter.

Vivianne Summers
http://youtube.com/averyny

The Castle

Now I am myself, I am what you see, which is awesome. I’m still hurt by the many years of trying to be myself. People would tell me go ahead and dress, then I hear rumors and gossip about me. Also, the same people would tell me hide myself because society will not accept me as an individual, that I might offend people, that I might affect business. It sometimes was what so called friends didn’t say about me that hurt. It burned me emotionally.

I love that person no matter what, it was me, and it will stick with me forever.

Each passing day my personal makeup, experiences and thoughts change. So, in that light, I will push to change, I have to create my castle filled with butterflies. It has been super hard sometimes.

So,

Hey, Girl. I’m in my castle, and I am the non-dramatic Queen.

Vivianne

"Life Gifts and Not" and "If You Knew"

Life Gifts and Not

I'm not looking for a reaction just showing my reflections. First, I am happy for the friends who care about my being. This is hard for me and emotional to the point, I dont know how to express it sometimes. I feel people put me in a stone box of misconceptions and irrelevant perceptions. I've always been honest with others;it hurts that its used against me.

The fact:: No matter what, I will be honest, sincere, and unique. Even if it hurts, my heart will be caring. Just one day I hope someone sees that and accept me for my strengths and weaknesses,

Vivianne

If You Knew

If someone wonders, what was sacrifaced, everything I knew and was. Knowing I may never fully be accepted.

It was not a easy choice, it was not a option.

It was something sacrifaced, now being a part of me.

I can finally begin to smile.

Vivianne Summers