Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A word can tell a million things

A word can tell a million things, I’ve asked myself why change.
People just going think of you one way, they will not change.
They won’t even realize; everything they experienced you haven’t.
That experience is required for the new flower, another disadvantage.
Someone might ask why there is now no closeness, maybe the flower needs some experience, some practice.
Maybe the person is asking the wrong question, how can I be a girl friend?

Vivianne Summers

Sunday, March 28, 2010

parts of me have been disowned.

So, I’m listening to Brandy song Fall. I shouldn’t write right now but I well.

My sister called me it reminds me about something. It reminds me on how much I will not be accepted, I could be disowned and I know a lot of girls family do that to them. It’s sad. Some might say its great my family still talk to me, but realize they talk to who I was. They go by what they perceived of me.

The problem is, I’m not the same person. Physically, mentally, and emotionally it’s the same body and mind, but not the oldest boy in the family body and mind. That is what they are stuck on, I can’t show them otherwise. In a way, parts of me have been disowned.

The other thing that bugs me, I would like to get the rest of the electrolysis done. I have no clue how that’s going get done. That’s about one thousand bucks, great! That’s all I need, and don’t know how.

I might write later, so, I’ll add what I think as a comment.


Tuesday, March 23, 2010



Do I depend on anything or anyone? I haven’t in the past but need to now.
The question is how. Blinded by my past securities, now living to a world unknown smiling.

I did not go outside 1 o’clock to get fresh air; my body was emotionally breaking, tired wanting to breathe. Almost to the point, where my body, becomes sick for months; a battle that I fought so many times, last time a half of year. Considering all the changes, this is the last thing, I want.

A realization is happening, I’m not alone. If I’m quiet, I am not quiet for peace of mind, but quiet because I’m exhausting all my energy just to hang in there. It’s been my suffocating right.

From this suffocating right; the silence will become noise and the loneliness will become community. The heart will become stronger and my beauty will become brighter.

Vivianne Summers

Monday, March 15, 2010

The Castle

Now I am myself, I am what you see, which is awesome. I’m still hurt by the many years of trying to be myself. People would tell me go ahead and dress, then I hear rumors and gossip about me. Also, the same people would tell me hide myself because society will not accept me as an individual, that I might offend people, that I might affect business. It sometimes was what so called friends didn’t say about me that hurt. It burned me emotionally.

I love that person no matter what, it was me, and it will stick with me forever.

Each passing day my personal makeup, experiences and thoughts change. So, in that light, I will push to change, I have to create my castle filled with butterflies. It has been super hard sometimes.


Hey, Girl. I’m in my castle, and I am the non-dramatic Queen.