Wednesday, November 25, 2009

If I knew how to be ...

If I knew how to be rich from writing, I would sit down, think, and write about the world. Everything I experienced doing my life, and maybe defy all logic.

There is no recent news; I’m working for thanksgiving which is depressing. I’ve spent the last two weeks dealing with an upper manager making work horrible. A friend of mine asked me if I would do a photo shoot for her school project, that will be exciting and a good change. I had an electrolysis session so my skin is still swollen but that will heal in a few days. I wish I can come up with some extra money for electrolysis session in a week. It would be sweet if my previous photographer took pictures also.

If anyone curios about the change a.k.a transition, that is fine. I am dealing with more irresponsible and immature behavior from some people specifically some random kids. The sad part is I am more hurt from a superficial supportive friend for things she said in the last 7 months; I skipped her dinner yesterday because of it.

If someone wonders if I looking for an answer to all of this, there isn’t. It would be nice to see family. It would be fantastic to do few more electrolysis session before next week is out. It would be awesome to find the miracle additional income I need considering the economy is bad. The only thing I can count on in this economy is my friends, family, hard work, and my faith.

I really need to go bra and more clothing shopping, more importantly get more electrolysis. I have to register for class soon.

A friend mentioned I should check out some reality TV auditions. I might consider that, there is always you tube. That reminds me I need to post a video off my camera and make a new one. The video is two weeks old so if I post some, there will be two videos posted.

There might be more to write today, if I think of something. I will post it.


Monday, November 23, 2009

Thoughts about beauty

There is nothing specific about this writing. I had a very long day due to drama at my job and also issues with the change. Right now, listening to Tiziano Ferro feat Kelly Rowland – Eathe gentle. You’ll love the video. Everyone forward or recommend this blog to whomever you’ll like.

Sitting here happy that I’ve gone through a long day, trying hands testing my patience. Work related drama, pushing my mental limits.
People talking amongst themselves, gossiping giving more attention to something that doesn’t want it. Now I am watching a beautiful video thinking.
True beauty defies all logic, it’s an emotion, a feeling something you can touch and see, but it remains a mystery.
Something unseen that can’t be touched.
Something beautiful brings a smile to a persons face; sometimes it’s an alluring charm. It might be a soft breeze passing by or a calm settle thought coming into mind.

Vivianne Summers

Thursday, November 5, 2009

How is the transition going?

Just writing everyone about how the changes are going and telling you some thoughts I have. How is the transition going? It’s going well is good.

I’m in the process of introducing myself as Vivianne to everyone I meet not Avery, and my job is adjusting well with the changes also. It’s becoming Vivianne as the first name basis at work. I’m waiting for some type of situation at work. I heard so many horror stories about people changing at work, just wondering what about me. It is going smoothly.

I get upset to the point of feeling hurt when friends who say the wanted me to be myself; when I do I’m treated harshly. Especially one person, she says Avery, even tho everyone one around her is starting to call me Vivianne. The “so called” friend has been completely cynical, sarcastic, and sometimes cruel with her comments, for the last 7 months. That does not include events that happened that made me doubt her support. Whomever reading this and is close to me, knows who I’m mentioning.

As to how, I feel I feel definitely less confident. I prayed on hopefully being comfortable and in control. This is something I always depended on. This transition takes me into an uncomfortable zone. I do not know what to expect from people; sometimes I do not know what to expect from myself. Everyday I feel like I am starting over, like a puzzle that’s changing. I wrote about a mosaic in my poetry, so the mosaic is shifting. I feel like the pieces are the same but how they are being put together is different.

I just awaken. I have been watching Mia video (link to video) this morning. The music is close to how I feel and some of the thoughts I have she says. I feel tired and drained, but determined. My heart felt feeling is that I am learning about myself again. Sometimes I feel like I have to justify the changes to people. What do I tell a female about myself? I am to the point of telling people I’m female, I have so many feminine characteristics now without dressing. How my relationships will change with a female? A lot of thoughts or question is popping up as I think about it.

Vivianne Summers

PS. Video on youtube and twitter