Thursday, November 5, 2009

How is the transition going?

Just writing everyone about how the changes are going and telling you some thoughts I have. How is the transition going? It’s going well is good.

I’m in the process of introducing myself as Vivianne to everyone I meet not Avery, and my job is adjusting well with the changes also. It’s becoming Vivianne as the first name basis at work. I’m waiting for some type of situation at work. I heard so many horror stories about people changing at work, just wondering what about me. It is going smoothly.

I get upset to the point of feeling hurt when friends who say the wanted me to be myself; when I do I’m treated harshly. Especially one person, she says Avery, even tho everyone one around her is starting to call me Vivianne. The “so called” friend has been completely cynical, sarcastic, and sometimes cruel with her comments, for the last 7 months. That does not include events that happened that made me doubt her support. Whomever reading this and is close to me, knows who I’m mentioning.

As to how, I feel I feel definitely less confident. I prayed on hopefully being comfortable and in control. This is something I always depended on. This transition takes me into an uncomfortable zone. I do not know what to expect from people; sometimes I do not know what to expect from myself. Everyday I feel like I am starting over, like a puzzle that’s changing. I wrote about a mosaic in my poetry, so the mosaic is shifting. I feel like the pieces are the same but how they are being put together is different.

I just awaken. I have been watching Mia video (link to video) this morning. The music is close to how I feel and some of the thoughts I have she says. I feel tired and drained, but determined. My heart felt feeling is that I am learning about myself again. Sometimes I feel like I have to justify the changes to people. What do I tell a female about myself? I am to the point of telling people I’m female, I have so many feminine characteristics now without dressing. How my relationships will change with a female? A lot of thoughts or question is popping up as I think about it.

Vivianne Summers

PS. Video on youtube and twitter

No comments: