Monday, October 19, 2009

Last week was rough.

Last week was rough. If anyone wants to know how I feel, in facebook I put the status that I was scared, nervous, maybe sad, but glad. This week the music that stuck into mind was Anne Lenox. I do not know what to think of the changes, I had varied responses, some people thought I was female, others couldn’t figure it out so they said it out loud not directly to me, and friends who are finding it difficult to call me Vivianne. It’s like the change, is reality. By the way, a very nice lady randomly gave me a book on the train, she felt I needed it. Actually, it’s perfect for t me considering I am reflecting a lot.

I’ve been slowly trying to transition my speech, I use to do it a lot cross-dressing but I stopped a couple of years ago. The thought it’s not cross-dressing anymore is a change. You can imagine me getting home and trying to take off my hair; then realizing no more wigs. It’s an everyday change. Getting back to the speech has been extremely difficult. One day, I will know how to express my feelings and emotions better, right now; I do not know what to think so it’s hard to put that into words. I still have more electrolysis to go. As for family, there are enough changes even if I wore guy cloths that I have to face telling my parents. Whoever knows me, my relationship with my family is not the greatest. So, this might be a blow to a few people.

Vivianne Summers

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