Thought before bed

Writing a quick blog before heading to bed. This is the latest update of the transition. Do to some circumstance at work I think I want to reveal more information of what’s going on slowly. The shorter version, a coworker plays around with me like any typical guy would who would joke around with another guy. The problem it’s physical, so my chest area has changed to the point; I do no like to get tapped in the chest area unless it’s under specific situations. I discussed this with management (my boss who I am keeping informed) so they will talk to the person; but at some point I will have to also. Overall, to resolve some future problems I might have. I have to dress more normal like I do outside of work which is fully female at the job. This opens up a new can of worms to deal with.

I kinda realized I can joke around with guys like before and take steps that would not put me in uncomfortable circumstances.


Vivianne Summers

Friendships and connections

People might say they are friends but they aren’t. The so called friend who told there kids I was going to a costume party, then ironically after starting the hormone therapy. Every time I see her there is a sarcastic and inconsiderate comment about me. What I don’t understand, this very person, encouraged me to be myself and now as I am starting to do it. I feel I am getting slapped in the face repeatedly verbally.

My therapist left which ended very abruptly and I’m getting a new one. She has a new job which is good hopefully they are paying more Thinking about it, it ended like most of my relationships in the past one minute it’s there and then it’s not. So, I am not hurt by it, but now amazed how it worked out. It’s not even that I seen the therapist much which I do not care about. I more troubled of how it ended without any real notice or closure.

I hanged out with a friend of mine, and I am very happy with the support she gave me. She always conversated as if I already been transitioned, so she knew me first as Vivianne; It was pleasing to know she will treat me that always. So, it was welcoming to be at her open house, and she paid a lot of attention to what people were calling me and how I was treated.

Vivianne

Question about breast

Yesterday was an interesting day because how people responded to me. I did a lot of shopping for things I need as for clothing and grocery shopping.

First off I want to write about a conversation I had with a friend, which is fine but at the latter end. I was bothered about a question. The question asked was “What breast size are you?” It really annoyed me with the transition that’s happening.

In the past, when I was cross-dressing a lot, so putting on fake boobs was simple. Add some silicone packs and my natural men chest will appear somewhat like breast. The realization now at the present, I have breast and find the term somewhat derogatory and especially that question. We have the tendency especially males marvel at breast about how soft and plush they may are, a little plaything.

The fact is males do not know the long nights when the breast are sore and sleeping on them is bothersome, humid and hot temperature that leaves the breast sweaty and sometimes disgusting, or during a cycle how the additional weight is sometimes a pain. There are many more things that happens, but that is a highlight.

I feel the question is personal and private, and I can understand why someone would likely to offense including. I asked a female friend of mine later in the night. She even said the question is rude and inconsiderate, so please note everyone. Try to refrain from saying boobs to females or treat breast as some object, hopefully someone understands.

In the morning, I did some shopping for belts and a shirt at Marshall’s. It was weird in the sense I use to shop for female clothing it was so simple. Get a whole bunch of black clothing and jeans but I cannot do that anymore. This time it was difficult because I had buy clothing that I would normally wear. For people who started to read my blog, what does a female wear normally? I cannot say dress because this is how I dress mostly now. I cannot hide breast or behind, so I have to dress accordingly. The cashier talked to me as an Ms which was cool and it made me a little relieved.

Grocery shopping was a little better; the last time I went grocery shopping some mother asked a child if I was male or female. That sums up most of the day yesterday.

Vivianne

Electrolysis today

I have to go to electrolysis today, great, another expensive expense during the transition. Ironically, I found out the day before and realized how fast my facial hair is growing. It’s growing slower which is a good thing. I was asked by a friend about my ability to have kids, and how the transition process makes someone sterile. Also, the person did not realize there is no back button to this. I want another tattoo is October.

Vivianne

Quick Walk

So, I’m walking down the street heading to the train street. Right after, from a car that was turning behind me. I hear some guy saying “. Fuck that”. Ironically, just hearing those two words I have a good idea what he is talking about. Sadly, My respect for the male population is decreasing. It seems like guy only think about with ass they can get or a quick bang or committed bang, I find it sad and demeaning.

Vivianne

Getting unwelcome advances

There is nothing substantial new today as my transition. I can’t stand guys. I mentioned there has been some growth and bodily changes. Consequences, I was grabbed in the behind from some random guy in a hospital male restroom about a week ago. I happen to be with a friend who had to go to the hospital, so after the initial shock.

I do not know what to say, not sure if I can say anything. Other then the experience was disturbing considering many other changes will occur. It felt like crap and was really disrepectful. Figuratively, I do not know to say, if I was harassed or molested. This is the shocking reality of my transition dealing with changes and getting unwelcome advances. I welcome feedback.

Vivianne

My transition if someone wants to call it

My transition if someone wants to call it that is going okay. Therapy is going okay and hormone therapy is going well not much negative response. Still I am annoyed with a few friends who are not taking the changes as well as I thought. Others who understand what is happening seem to not understand the reality of it. In many ways, I’m not cross-dressing anymore; it is a way of life and will continue to be while showing more day to day.

At a request of a friend, I am going post more updates about my transition and everyone feel free to write or leave any comments.

My breast is always sore from growth, which it is getting bigger and my butt is getting plump as typical of a female. It’s been 4 months and there seems to be noticeable changes.

If anyone curious how I will deal with work. I discussed it with my boss who knew I was going through multiple therapies for sometime now. There has been enough little changes that it became really obvious.

I will go to work and do my job as usual, even if my transition is happening. Mentally I think the same, so in a way, it is something I’m comfortable with. It is more how other people will react then I will react. I was mistakenly called Maam at work, and girlfriend a couple of times. I do not think that’s bad and it shows how I established many of my friendships.

Vivianne

Transistion

Transistion

It wasn’t an imagination, the black porcelain doll still living; unmasked, showing it day to day.
People might treat me like an outcast, something morbid, fake, superficial a non-reality
I’m not that person not an outcast but someone real now dealing with racial, social and gender prejudices, now a sacrifice that’s destined.
I’m in a middle of a transition, emotions going through my soul and body, physically changing, breaking down an old mosaic putting new one in place.
I’m the doll in the crystal dome, warped in pink, softly thinking. Now watching as new colors reveal it self day to day.

Vivianne Summers