This is a new start of my poetry. I'm taking a moment to breath consider it a rebirth so come with me on this ride. Through trial and tribulations, I will succeed. Like a eagle soaring through the sky. Note. I am in College in the Honor's Program and working! I'm learning CGI/Computer Graphics 3d Animtions.

What would a sister say?

What would a sister say?

Juggling random feelings in my head a sense of loneliness, despair, and contemplations
Feelings that I know, is meant to lay burdens and doubt onto my heart.
What would a sister say?
Wondering curiously thinking about how to tell a beautiful sister positive affirmations.
Saying “Do not worry, You are a beautiful women.” slightly turning my head, creating a soft breeze against my skin.
What would a sister say?
Waiting quietly settling down waiting for a great Comforter to rest their hands on me.
Smiling saying to the beautiful sister, everything is well.
Slowly lifting her chin.
What would a sister say?
Thinking I might have said what a true sister will say.

Vivianne

PS. Will be Vivienne soon

Beautiful Flowing Sheets

This is not a figment of my imagination but thoughts flowing out my heart, like a melody.
Picturing beautiful sheer white sheets flowing in the air in a soothing white room dimly lit.
Moving like a gentle breeze passing through the sheets causing a light white hue.
A light soft aroma radiating inside the room leaving a sense of quietness, peace, and warmth.
Appearing from sheets a soft white light a soothing white light shows.
As I gently touch my fingers to my chest like the sheets from through the air.
Thinking earlier in the day I miss certain things that I was blessed with, tears dropping from my eyes.
Bundled up like a child, knowing I'm not alone, hoping.
Pondering in the moment of now, feeling my hands glide across my lips like a airy breeze against my soft skin.
Continuing on back to my school work, praying internally.
Listening to music, I smile, I think of the beautiful person beside me and say.
“You will be okay. Just continue pushing and find your beauty.”


Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny

The Person Besides Me

The Person Besides Me

As I lay in my bed trying to sleep in a restless night praying internally that I get some sleep.
Opening my eyes late in the midnight hours, I blink my eyes.
Waking up to a dark bedroom with a comforter keeping me warm and a soft pillow under my head.
I see a female laying in the bed with me just looking at me talking to me without words.
The female looks young, a black female with smooth golden brown skin flawless, brown crystal eyes that shimmered, short silky smooth hair like a beautiful porcelain doll.
As we lay on the bed together watching each other, time just pausing itself, now seconds seemed like eternity.
I see her more clearly seeing though her eyes. I see she is hurting, crying, and internally bleeding. A loneliness inside her heart taking away from the beauty.
A innocent child looking at me beautiful but a pain of helplessness.
As I look into her eyes, I realize I was seeing myself, not sure of what time or future it is, but I was confident that person I was seeing was me.
Comforting her, I motion my hand in a palm, lifting her cheeks towards me so I can see her directly, feeling her delicate soft skin against my hands.
As she begins to speak to me. I hear soft words being spoken somewhat, tranquil, a gentle calmness.
As I lean over towards her, I look closely into her eyes.
“You are me. It will be okay.” as I whisper to her with the gentle touch of my hand. My eyes blinks again, I'm back in my room.
In my dark bedroom, my comforter keeping me warm with a soft pillow under my head.
Late in the midnight hour it is.
I'm laying in the bed now puzzled, fully aware of what just happened..
I blink again realizing, I want to see her again to comfort her knowing she exist. Now thinking that person might have just been me.

Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny

Journeys

Wrote this a few days ago, before the status. Still feel now, I have to be happy as is!!!

Journeys

Sitting here glad to be with the family finally, a long journey for us all.
A little depressed knowing people only accept only a part of me, not what my close connections see.
Feeling hurt as my thoughts are up and down.
I will be okay. That is what is done best.

Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny

Little Girl

Little Girl

A girl walking down the street, stared at by others for flaws insignificant
imperfections to be ridiculed or judged.

A living mockery used to build that persons ego and self-righteousness.

Living in a cold and indifferent society, I pause.

Now looking into a mirror naked, innocent, and vulnerable like a child.

Enduring individuals ignorance and stupidity. The failing of people lack of compassion and understanding.

Wanting to cry and scream a spectrum of feelings and thoughts. Forcing myself to strive, painfully smiling every step taken.

Still picturing the black porcelain doll living this life.

Standing in this train, now trying to breath looking around.

This little girl.

Vivianne Anthony
http://viviannesummers.blogspot.com

A Reflection

I haven't written in a while but giving it a try, it's about what has been going on a little.

A Reflection.
Looking into the frosted mirror contemplating many thoughts
Watching myself taking each day in stride, knowing there will be challenges.
Knowing many friends are here, trying to comfort me.
But thinking at the end of the day, a feeling of loneliness falls upon me.
Constantly pushing myself to the limits, breaking down recently trying to breath.
Thinking, why can't she be in the mirror?
Giving me a soft gentle look, holding my hands.
As I keep pushing in strength and faith.

Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny

New Life, poetry and thoughts

So, I hear drinking, a beer, watchingvarious makeup and hair videos. Thinking of a perfect nice look,totally pretty style. What a combination, but it's me, listening to music also. Now the thought, I can honestly say, I am transparent. Living my life without a doubt, still going through trail and tribulations. With many prayers and support, I'm making it but not alone but with others.

Much of my family will not be with me because of the feeling of, what I should be, or what they imagined me to be. Even some friends, will always think of me before. The latter is not being done purposely. Still, it makes everything so much harder, trying to let go of being the person everyone else wanted or wants.

But in that light, I will speak the words that comes to my heart.

New Life
As new life, breaths through me, my heart opens seeing the world in new light.
Through many trails, I'm moving ahead in this world with others.
Reaching into my heart, soft whispers growing stronger, one day showing itself.
Living, breaking down, what others perceives my heart to be, but living ones destiny.
One day dancing, dress flowing around me, looking up knowing I lived.
Knowing in the end, I can say, I did not hide.

Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny
http://viviannesummers.blogspot.com

PS. So, this goes out to my future wife, and family!

Mind At Ease

Mind At Ease

So, I ask myself why I'm must through all of this, tackling another set of trials and tribulations.
Trying to put my mind at ease, and not focus on the headaches, but a confidence a assurance that life will be well.
Watching a video, innocent and creative, a few seconds of beauty expressed in a settle calmness
Now can I ever show this through my words, and thoughts, expressing my feelings with a blink of a eye.

Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny

Let Me Breath ...

Let me breath ....

Looking around, thinking, everything was a shadow, a person growing with many struggles and pain.
But knowing a sense of tranquillity will come, a radiant light, distinctively beautiful.
Lifting my spirit, in hope, aspiring to gain wisdom and knowledge.
Realizing with each daily confirmation, my heart is not alone, its connected with others.
Blossoming, a word sometimes taken lightly, but knowing that is my life.
Learning to embrace each moment and breathing in another light
Sharing my heart in words and thoughts with others, for even with my struggles, I will look up.

Vivianne
http://viviannesummers.blogspot.com/

PS. Trying really hard! Thought as I move through things, I will still remain a shadow as before but that isn't happening. My youtube channel. http://youtube.com/averyny

When I Fall Down

When I Fall Down

As I think about each passing day
Each day is a new beginning, to a destination, a point already planned.
As I ponder, I can't see what changes that will occur in my life.
My heart, says, this is the right time, and the right moment as always.
A life that is meant to be, different, but true to every heart I touched.
Through many struggles, trails, and tribulations that I could never imagined.
I will make it, through faith with others.
When I fall down, I will get up, but not alone this time.
As, I always done, coming in full circle with new family.

Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny

PS. Glowing with beautiful radiance, I will one day shine. Inspired by “We Fall Down” Donne McClurkin and life struggles

Time Out

I would like a time out, I haven't had one in a long time. I'm making through it, but I miss having one. ~Vivianne~

Walking

I'm happy to have a open mind. Free from not following stereotypes, thinking of individuals fitting a particular gender norm, hiding between a cloak and dagger, and telling people what they should be. I feel hurt about some statements I seen and by some things that was said.

My heart says, we was not put on this planet to judge others. Better yet, we are here to share our faith and belief, to treat others as a equal. It doesn't matter, a persons, race, sex, gender, age, or any other human standard we put on a individuals. I might be different, but my heart at the end of the day, thinks this one thing.

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” Hebrews 11:1

So, in that light, I will keep backing my actions. I will have my beautiful family with a beautiful wife, being a parent. Sharing with others my faith, and doing what I've been brought here to do.

Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny

Collective

Collective

Life is a beautiful mosaic of different colors, a rainbow.
Peacful thoughts coming in to mind, pondering the great picture.
Cherishing each sparkle of life, the essence of everything.
Looking at the magnificent reflections, a pretty shadow, of a big picture.
As in time, quietly pondering, realizing many facets of it.
For in this life, we are meant to grow, evolve, change, with one another.
Each person adding their unique qualities, to the collective.
The collective of mind, body, spirit.

Vivianne
http://youtube.com/averyny

This is for people who show hate and bigotry to others, just because of their differences.

Goodnight

Goodnight
---------

This piece of paper is empty, so I lay here contemplating a throught to write.

My mind thinks pondering many images appearing vividly, a rainbow; dynamic with bright lights of pure radiance.

I still lay here with many fears, like a rainbow going into a prism, creating chaotic light.

Still, beautiful with many shades, but behind the reflection. It's a quiet place, some fears visible to the naked eye.

Here I push with hope behind a faith, that it will be seen.

So, as I lay here, now with a full piece of paper, let my body fall into a quiet sleep.

Goodnight.

Vivianne
http://twitter.com/viviannesummers
http://youtube.com/averyny

The Train Ride

The Train Ride

I see so many people on this train, I just wonder.
There are two young Asian girls dressed casually but having fashionable sense, carrying a yellow plastic bag of snacks
A husband sitting right next to me with his wife across from him, they both are tourist from the map guide in his hand
A young lady standing at the door in her own world, listening to music through earphones, carrying a bag from the dry cleaners.
A young male wearing khaki shorts and blue polo shirt, with his bike, who gave directions to a lady.
A young couple sitting across from me, listening to music, sharing one pair of earphones.
A family of 4, the parents, and two young kids playing in the corner train seats. The parents talking to each other.
A interracial couple across from me in the middle of the train sitting, the guy caressing the female legs while she sits near a door.
Where do I fit into this picture?
I'm pondering thoughts, what is my role in all of this, who am I.
As I think about life, as the train travels to the next stop.

Vivianne
http://viviannesummers.blogspot.com

Follow on twitter - twitter.com/viviannesummers

So many things.

My life, I saw a friend of mine, my cousin, she is more of a friend yesterday. Still, it was good but it made me realize so many things, I was wearing my typical fitted jeans and t-shirt, and a baseball cap. So, I look like a tomgirl.

Anyway, from conversation with my family not her, it reminded me how my parents think there is some major epic problem with me. There isn’t a problem, like I want to be 100% happy, but knowing no matter what I will be looked down upon. I fill like 80% and I want to bring my queen back. Viva la Vivianne.

Vivianne

On The Quiet

On The Quiet

I hear two birds chirping waiting for spring rainfall.
As the spring thunderstorm comes near, I sit peacefully thinking of life.
My desires, my goals, and my dreams being thought of with self-assurance.
Pondering the secrets inside my heart, meditating peaceful thoughts.
Wishing I can share my dreams with another, calming my spirit.
When the first water drops, it will echo the reflections of my thoughts.
So, in this light, I rest my soul.
Sitting in tranquility.

Vivianne Anthony
http://viviannesummers.blogspot.com

Twitter
http://twitter.com/viviannesummers

Other Writings and Photos!
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/her-life/11028023

Random thought of the day

I have not written in a while, so I figure I’ll do it now. Where do I start? I’m not sure where, but I write something.

I was reading a documentary about humans and space exploration, and personally I’ve been following the private space industry. It’s really sad how space exploration have not changed much in the last few decades. There have been so many advances that haven’t been put into practice, for example, the space shuttle could have been replaced to a second version with technical advances. It seems everyone is bent on hurting others and being mean spirited. That includes everything from killing others or turning a blind eye to people of need, recently a man died in the street while people passed him. People are quick to text a friend or call someone on a cell phone, but those same people could not dial 911. That’s all they needed to do.

Now, recently someone called my changes just a physical change. Really! That is like saying to a pregnant women she is just going through emotional changes. That annoyed me. I think someone needs to realize now I have to carry the burden of a male making sure all the needs of my spouse is provided for including children. I also carry the emotional, mental, and physical burden of a women, of course nothing that deals with the uterus but pretty much everything else. It’s a weight of two people on one person.

People can tell me otherwise, I am open to thoughts.

Now, I can talk about my family. I did see them about a month ago. I talked to both my parents which went okay. I finally went fishing with my father after 30+ years. I can sit do and spend some quiet time with him. There are more details but it is not the time or place to write it.

I am not sure what else to write but there will be more.

Vivianne

Heart

HEART

I’m listening to music right now, sitting peacefully, reflecting upon my passing days.
My heart listening, calmly, letting go quiet tears, forgetting everyday loneliness.
A tranquil presence smiles, calming, expressing myself in soothing words.
Quietly whispering as my lips move in unison, intimately, opening my heart.
Touching my hair softly, sweeping it to my side pulling it with my fingertips, revealing my eyes.
Looking up, smiling meeting your eyes, whispering soft words.

Vivianne
http://viviannesummers.blogspot.com
http://viviannesummers.tumblr.com

PS

I know many will not see me; they automatically want to see what they know.
They will not let go of the pass, funny. I’ll just smile for the future.